Bloom on Iowa

I finally made it all the way through University of Iowa Professor Stephen Bloom's piece on living in Iowa.  My first couple tries were cut short due to boredom.  He begins with a great list of facts ... as you'd expect from a journalism professor.  Then the whole thing kind of turns to name calling and generalization, which may be why so many people have talked about it over the last couple weeks.  So many, in fact, that I decided I had to read the whole thing.  Tonight.  I even read some readers' comments and his reply to the backlash ... which he simply could not have been surprised by, seeing as he is PAID by the tax payers of this state -- the same people he tries to claim are unfit to vote for the president of our country.

I'm not the type to get offended, so I'm not.  He raises some good points.  The state has many towns that are slowly fading away.  Industry is lacking.  The percentage of young adults leaving the state is high -- though I'd be curious to know how many of them, like me, came back once they had children.  And, yes, there are a lot of old people.  I'm not sure how this is a bad thing.  Longevity is better than the alternative, if you enjoy being alive.  Also, old people tend to have interesting stories and aren't afraid to share an opinion; traits I assumed a journalist would enjoy to a certain degree.

The thing that did make me a little sick was how much he, as a professor of journalism, uses blatant generalization in lieu of actual examples or finite numbers.  My quick tally shows the word almost is used 10 times, many: 15 times, often: 8 times.  I will admit I didn't, and don't, care to check them all out in context.  However, I have picked out two of my favorites (aside from the meth head stuff that everyone else seems to bring up).  Here they are:

Stephen Bloom wrote: "... it's not unusual to take a date to a Tractor Pull or to a Combine Demolition Derby."

First, let me just say that I am NEVER going to date a Journalism Professor.  How often does he take his wife to Tractor Pulls?  Does she like them?  And where does he find so many?  Is there a league that I haven't heard of or something?  Back that one up with some facts, Bloom.  Which leads me into my other serious bone of contention (or pretentiousness):

Stephen Bloom wrote: "... I can't tell you how often over the years I'd be walking Hannah [his golden lab] in our neighborhood and someone in a pickup would pull over and shout some variation of ..."

They would shout something about hunting ... in his imagination.  I CAN tell you what I think of an essay or article or any piece of writing that includes the phrase "I can't tell you how often" or any phrase of a similar ilk.  If you can't tell me, don't submit your piece.  Figure it out.  Was it twice?  Was it over a hundred times.  How much capacity do you have in your mind for details, professor?  Maybe you should carry a little notebook.  He came up with three variations on hunting questions, so it is safe to assume he was asked at least three different times over the thirteen-year lifespan of his Labrador Retriever if it is a good hunting dog.  Now, I am not a hunter, but I've heard that RETRIEVERS are good at bringing back game.  Sorry if I come off like a know-it-all.  It's just what I've heard.  Apparently those three guys in pickup trucks that pulled up next to him heard the same rumor.

Overall, I don't think he explained in either a "real or metaphysical way, what Iowa is", just as no state or its people can be categorized in a simple article.  He does get one thing right: Iowa is a place of bizarre contrasts.  If he actually has received threats (it's hard to say what is true with this guy, having only read the aforementioned) and truly fears for the safety of himself and his family after this piece, I feel for him.  That's not good.  On the other hand, if you don't feel safe in (old, sparsely-populated) Iowa it is possible, dare I say likely, that you are an asshole.  And you may -- just a guess here -- have awful things to say about wherever you spend the next twenty years.

If so, do tell.  I laughed my ass off about that tractor pull thing.  You could've said: In Iowa, women's vaginas open to the sound and smell of hard-revving diesel engines.  The article would have been no less judgmental or inflammatory.