I just finished watching the movie It's a Funny Story. As the closing credits rolled I thought: I've waited too long to go crazy. Truth be told, I thought of it as a facebook status. Todd Jackson ... waited too long to go crazy.
I'm not talking about talking to yourself crazy, though I do. I'm not talking about the kind of crazy where I hurt myself or other people, quite the opposite. I'm talking about an odd type of crazy where I no longer walk the tight rope, towing society's lines while peeking over the edge, jealous of the people who live for and as themselves, wondering how they make it, how they survive. I never questioned if they were happier than me, these artists, musicians, and work-at-home people. I knew they were. I've been half-crazy since I started kindergarden. Tonight I realized, without question, it was the half that concentrated on following the generic path laid out for me, not the half that stayed up late and got up early, cheating the day to chase a dream, take a walk, and write my thoughts.
We all go through our ups and downs. I've said it a lot lately -- to my new friends, the people fate has timely sent to help me -- happiness isn't about smiling or laughing all the time, rather it is about working towards contentment. I can be happy -- I am happy -- while in the midst of a grand struggle, as long as it's my struggle. My crazy struggle.
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